


Enough.

by oathkceper



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, im sorry, post s8e6
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-13
Updated: 2019-07-13
Packaged: 2020-06-27 13:19:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19791694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oathkceper/pseuds/oathkceper
Summary: Brienne was not Cersei. She was happy for it, but that was part of the problem.





	Enough.

Breinne had stopped counting the days and months after she had left Tarth, she had no means of remembering important dates such as namedays or anniversary’s, she scarcely even knew what year she was in. All she knew for certain was that Jaime died at dawn on a Wednesday that had been naught but normal until a few hours few hours after it had began. She was aware that he had died with Cersei by his side, as she had been told by Tyrion, and the thought saddened her almost as much as most things that reminded him of her these days did. He had died at her side, not in her arms. That hadn’t been what he had dreamed. He wished to be sent to the Gods in her embrace, but Brienne suspected with heartbreak clear in her mind that Cersei had not followed the same dreams as he. 

Some days were harder than others, as all days were, but the weeks spent on the road to Kings Landing had indefinitely been the worst of her life. As she sat on her stallion, the cold wind of the North nipping at her rosy nose and cheeks, freezing the tears in her eyes long before they fell down her cheeks, and for that she was thankful. Brienne could not manage to drag her mind away from the image of Jaime riding along these roads the night he left her stood alone in the dark, could not shake the feeling that he did not give her so much as a second thought when his mind had been so occupied with his dear, sweet sister. Bitterness had swept over her many times at the notion, it coursed through he veins until she spat the venom on her tongue in the form of tempered words to those who spoke to her. Even her own self had been subjected to her harsh undermines, the torment she lay upon her soul weakening her in ways that crushed her in ways that no childhood bullying ever did. 

Jaime had hated himself, that she had gathered for herself back in Harrenhal. The rage in his eyes, the gritting of his teeth, and the tender caress of venom lacing his tongue still made her shiver even now. He had hated himself for all of the bad deeds he had done, and Brienne had not been hypocritical back then for she was sure that she would have had as much disdain for herself had she been him. She had tried to heal him, and she had tried everything, and for a few tender weeks she thought that she had been triumphant in tempting Jaime to believe he was worth more than the hateful mind he had inside of him. All the love and passion she had within her she gave to Jaime so freely in the form of sweet caresses, gentle kisses, heartfelt words of encouragement, and her own scar-ridden body. He had taken every ounce of it with him when he left. 

Brienne did not hate herself, not close to the way Jaime had himself, but she was not as proud as she once was. Of course, she was aware of her accomplishments, her most recent being the first Lady Commander of the royal Kingsguard to Brandon Stark, but she had not been enough for Jaime. She felt as though she were a small girl with her fathers sword and armour trying to make her idol proud, to show him that she was more than just an ugly Lady. Jaime had seen her for more than that, she knew, but still, it had not been enough to tempt him to stay with her. 

He had chosen Cersei, and it was that choice that lead to his demise. 

Brienne thought to herself often that if Jaime would have chosen her then he would still be breathing, still be with her during the mornings and nights, still be her first sight when she woke and the last before she fell into sleep. She was a safe option, but Jaime had always been prone to danger. Perhaps he thought the risk of riding to Cersei was worth it, maybe for a simple quick fuck, or maybe for the chance to sail away together and start the life they had always wanted between them, and them only. But what right did Brienne have to judge him? 

_We_ _don’t_ _get_ _to_ _choose_ _who_ _we_ _love_ , he had once said. 

But he had chosen. He had chosen in Winterfell to lay his love upon _her_ body, to kiss _her_ in ways that phantom sensations still remained on her lips, on her tongue, on her cunt. Jaime had called her beautiful, had said she was his saviour, had given her all the praise he could in single breaths. He had chosen to stay with her, to only look at her, to only need her. Jaime had held her hand in the hallways, under tables too, and he had held her to his bare chest during the nights where the terrors in her head did not allow her to sleep. Each kiss, each hold, each loving word seemed crafted out of the sweetness of his heart purely for Brienne, and she had fallen so deeply in love with him that she regretted now not telling him so when in the bottomless pit of love she could not yell it loud enough for him to hear.

He had chosen her once and it had been everything Brienne had dreamed of, but she would never be Cersei. 

Brienne would never be Cersei. If Jaime would have said he would have stayed with her if she were more like the Queen, Brienne would have saddled his horse herself. 

She would never be Cersei.

For that, she was proud. Brienne was noble, she was an honourable highborn lady with the name Tarth, she had the fire of the sun in her heart and the light of the moon in her veins. She was the first Lady Knight in the Seven kingdoms, she was the first Lady Commander in history, she had fought in wars that made Cersei cower, and she had conquered in the way the Queen never had the chance to. 

She may not have been enough for Jaime Lannister, but she was enough for herself. 

Brienne only wished that she did not want it to be the other way around


End file.
